maybe i should have asked for valium

It all started today when I went to the doc to get a renewal on the blood pressure med. I know there are other things I should be doing and I will. I was honest about my recent return to smoking. I know I must move to quitting very soon. I just quit for 5 years so I know how this works. As my sister once told me, the problem with starting again is then you just want to quit. She has a lot of experience, as do I, and I believe that theory to be correct. So back to the doc. He is very nice and I’m sure wise for his age of about 35 I’m guessing. He tells me everybody has struggle and they always will …no escaping. And I don’t want to end up a patient where I work he reminds me. I agree I want to continue to get paid to be there. I’m sure he thought perhaps I had a relationship problem, money problem, surley child problem or some other usual problems all humans are faced with. We discussed my medical situation, he listened to my heart and lungs, we discussed options and agreed on a course of action involving medication. Now I ‘m not blameing my bad choices on the current situation and yet……how the hell am I supposed to sit calmly by as my country, now known as the homeland, is careening at breakneck speed toward a totalitarian, fascist theocracy???? We have been taken over in a coup, as we relatively quietly watched two presidential elections in a row stolen. Our treasury has been looted and they have plans for more. Our schools have been gutted. Two wars have been started, the mastermind behind a massive terrorist attack on our country remains at large. Our young men and women are on foreign soil killing and being killed based on a total lie. We are torturing the people we went to liberate since the Geneva Conventions are now thought to be “quaint”. We are trashing the environment. We have raised the debt ceiling($8.200,000,000,000….well, they will on Monday…guess they’re resting a couple of days first…..they are “hard working” people.) We changed the rules so you don’t have to give up a leadership position in congress if you are indicted. Special new rules to protect repugnicuns from those partison “crackpot district attorneys”. The cia has been purged. The homeland sercurity department will now have no oversight. Does any of this sound familiar????????????? Picture yourself with a wheelbarrel of cash to go buy a few potatoes. Or maybe we will just have to give up some of those highpriced safety nets. Does it sound familiar???? So anyway how can I explain to this bright-eyed, well healed young doc. I will sit on my porch, brood, feed the birds, pet the cat and dogs, apologize to the earth and it’s inhabitants and SMOKE. I am getting involved with the other people who also know what is going on. It is very helpful. Some really cool people have been trying long before I was paying attention. I will continue and learn all I can. Maybe I will even figure out what the hell I’m supposed to be doing and hopefully quit the butts again soon……….